Peyton Miller has been declared the player that Revs teammates would despise handing the aux cord to. This prompted the Revs to release a playlist curated by Miller.
Clearly, it is my journalistic responsibility to provide critical analysis of the compilation. If we are going to judge the youngster's play on the field, we have to judge what could be getting him motivated prior to kick off.
Now music is of course subjective. Some people listen to Taylor Swift and think it is high-quality art while others do not. I am also 28 and Miller is still a teenager so I imagine our tastes differ.
But without further ado, let's go over the selections.
Let Me Love You - Mario
Starting off very well here. I did not expect a 2004 song to be here, which is a great surprise. Also there is only a clean version of this song?
I don't know how much it is pumping me up before a game but it is a classic nonetheless. Good pick.
Cold Water - Major Lazer, Justin Bieber, MØ
Now, my friends, this is what we call a banger. An EDM DJ and Justin Bieber are a match made in heaven.
This is prime middle school-to-high school music for me, so the nostalgia is also high. There is a nice BPM, and Biebs kills the vocals. Off to a good start.
Work from Home - Fifth Harmony, Ty Dolla $ign
What might be more surprising than early 2000s R&B is a mid-2010s girl group making the list. This reminded me that Camilla Cabello was in this group. I also had no idea they started on X-Factor.
Again, I do not know how much this is getting me pumped for a game but it is a decent enough song.
Never Recover - Lil Baby, Gunna, Drake
Obligatory...
Outside of the inclusion of a man that Kendrick Lamar lyrically obliterated, there are better options on this album alone to choose from. Business Is Business is right there.
Still, this is my favorite type of music so we are still looking good but hopefully this is the last Drake inclusion.
Panti Y Colale 2.0 - El Alfa, De La Ghetto, zio
As someone who is married to a Brazilian, I was pumped to see some non-English music.
This might be the least hype El Alfa song I have ever heard. I was ready for this to be a home run and it was basically an intentional walk. La Mama is right there, Peyton.
Some selection concerns are starting to arise, let's see if it gets worse.
Choosin' Texas - Ella Langley
I need it to be known that I do not like country music. By far, the worst type of music out there.
This is actually a good song. She might allegedly be an industry plant but it at least has a good pace and is not Morgan Wallen.
Freestyle - Lil Baby
This is some prime Lil Baby. This is probably the best pick yet.
If you couldn't tell Peyton loves Lil Baby. I am pretty sure Baby is Peyton, Esmir, and Jack Panayotou's favorite artist.
We are back on track.
Argent Sale A Colors Show - La RvFleuze
We are back off the English with some French rap. This is a cheat code to get me to like it because I took French in high school, so, like the person I am, I started listening to French rap.
The beat is hard enough, and the lyrics are delivered well. I have no idea what is being said, but I am adding it to my playlist.
Maladie - Mauvais Djo
Now we are getting some Afrobeat infusion as well as some French? This playlist is hitting its stride.
I commend Peyton for not going with the more mainstream choice of Burna Boy. This, my friends, is ball knowledge.
Brindemos - Anuel AA, Ozuna
This is a much better selection than the El Alfa one because the beat is at a decent pace and much harder than the previous selection.
He should just play these last five songs on repeat instead of the first half of the playlist.
South to West - Gunna
Oh yeah, the kids love Gunna as well, if that's not clear.
Gunna can just float on a beat. I don't know if he is the best rapper out there, but the way he strings it together is very nice.
Janice STFU - Drake
I am tempted to give the entire playlist an F just because of this song. Drake tried to be Thank Me Later Drake or Take Care Drake and he just isn't that guy anymore.
He has some ok bars, but it just sounds so much worse than what he used to be. Also, the chorus-to-actual-rapping ratio is terrible.
Just an awful way to end the playlist.
I've got to give it a B-. There are some really high highs but some rather low lows. Also, there is Drake.
